The only good thing to come out of celebrity deaths is the jokes.

Here’s a roundup of the jokes about Michael Jacksons death that I have had so far:

1. Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson?
   
   A. Ferguson will be playing Giggs in August.
2. Word is they are going to melt down Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery down to make childrens toys – so they can play with him for a change.
3. Reports of Michael Jackson dieing in hospital of a heart attack are un-true
   
   He was found in the children’s ward having a stroke.
4. It’s also reported that Michael Jackson had his heart attack after hearing that Boys 2 Men were a band and not a home delivery service
5. Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning – he was eating 12 year old nuts.
6. Given that Michael Jackson was recently reported to be suffering from skin cancer, the coroner is not sure yet if the real cause of death should be blamed on the sunshine…..or the Moonlight, the good times or the boogie, but at this time he suspects it was the boogie.
7. Farah Fawcet arrived in heaven and god granted his new Angel one wish. She wished for all Gods children to be safe… So he killed Michael Jackson
8. Hospital staff doesn’t know what to do with Michael Jackson’s body as plastic recycle day is not until next Tuesday

The weirdest thing in my loft has to be an Alesis HR-16 drum machine. I bought it in the 90s from a geezer in Loot. It still works although the internal battery is knackered so it won’t save any loops.

The gated snares on it are sooo 80s/90s and I reckon they’ll be in fashion very shortly.

I’m gonna hang onto it, along with my Roland D5 until someone offers me a grand for them.

The only other weird thing in my loft is a wasps nest that looks a bit like Jon Bon Jovi

I am writing this in a fucking pub! I can’t believe it. I think I am creative while drunk – so may stay here for a few. Logged onto The Cloud with the trusty Acer Aspire One – Brown or shit book as a colleague calls it with no problems at all.

You do have to register, but it’s opt in to receive marketing messages from trusted partners, so that’s okay.

Obviously a bit dangerous putting free internet in a pub. A bit like giving a pissed bloke a mobile phone with only his ex-girlfriend or great aunt’s number programmed into it. But hey ho. I think it’s magic.

I think the patrons of the Wetherspoons in Ickenham think it is some kind of magic too as they’re all looking at me.

Simon

It’s taken a while for me to post about the last ever show of Spring Awakening in the UK. I’d like to say that my emotions were too raw to contemplate writing about the end of such a fine and under-rated show – but I can’t though as I have just been lazy.

What I did do though, which show’s a bit of a commitment for the cause was smuggle in the old mini video camera into the last ever show and film both the finale song Song of Purple Summer and the encore song Totally Fucked.

I really can’t believe the feedback I’ve had from these videos – just look at the number of views, ratings and comments. I know it was naughty to do, but fuck it, it was worth it.

Purple Summer

Totally Fucked Encore

The show was absolutely amazing. Having seen it was a privalige. It’s like making a really funny, talented friend one day and then someone telling you they only have a month to live. You’re sad, but then you cherish the moments you have.

In the last month of Spring Awakening’s life I saw it three times – once from stage seats. I enjoyed every performance.

I tweeted with CMW at Spring Awakening and they said that some of the set was going to Korea, I think for a show there. I’m glad Spring Awakening is still going somewhere and I hope to go and see it somewhere else in the World (Korea/Japan/USA) soon.

It won’t be the same though.

Simon

So, my Clicker Training booklet and clicker arrived from the US this weekend and on Saturday I am planning on training the kitten to do stuff.

In the booklet it says you can easily train the cat to play piano (nothing complicated – just the intros to Ben Folds songs or something) but I don’t have a piano.

I do have a guitar, and seeing as I can’t play it, I might as well live vicariously through Melchior.

I’ll post on youtube when he’s mastered his first Oasis song.

Simon

We were planning to get a kitten after our trip to New Quay in Wales (video to follow). And we only went a bleeding did it.

Liz got little 10 week old Melchior Gabor Mr Fluffy McMew III from a family in Stanmore. Melchior has spent the first few weeks of his life with a bunch of other kitten, cats, kids and a parrot. He seems to tae everything in his stride after all that.

Here’s some video I shot of him on my slightly knackered Creative Vado.

With all this talk of MPs strange expense claims, I thought I’d tell you about mine.

I haven’t actually got the bottle to make this expense claim – although I did spend the money in the course of my job.

We built an affiliate shopping website that sold millions of items. We had to test that we were getting commissions every time someone made a purchase – so I got out the credit card and bought a lifesize cardboard bear.

I really can’t be arsed to explain to the accounts department why I bought a giant bear for the office. So I haven’t

We just signed up with Southern Electricity. Out of the blue, and I hope for free, they send us a natty wireless home energy meter.

We keep the diplay in the living room and have attached a wireless meter around the mains electricity cable coming into our flat.

We spent all evening turning things on and off to see how much power they consumed.

I have banned Liz from ever using the shower, kettle or microwave ever again.

I went to see Spring Awakening on Friday night and wanted to say how absolutely brilliant it was.

I first heard a song from the show “Purple Summer” on the show tunes show on Radio 2 that Paul O’Grady was filling on for. I looked it up on the Internet and found out that rather than it being from some gospel production it was from a recent musical that had just come across the pond from the USA.

Click here to listen to Spring Awaking on Spotify

The musical is apparently based on old German play that was banned in the 19th century.

I found it slightly incongruous that this play full of German names and places was populated with rock songs – but I soon got over that,

The songs and choreography absolutely fit this story of teenage sexuality. The energy and highs and lows reminded how it felt to be young.

All of the actors looked about 14 and sang/acted their hearts out. I really appreciated their energy.

I have been to see a fair few musicals, and my favourite must me Les Miserables. I own the double CD and everything. Spring Awakening is up there with Les Mis.

I urge you to book some tickets now.

Simon

I was challenged recently by someone at work to come up with new euphemisms for nipples. There seem to be loads of words for fun bags, but not a lot for the nipples that make them fun. Here’s my best shot:

teets
tit toppers
peep-hole pals
new-born nosh nozzles
sweater bumps
chest berries
hooter handles
knocker knobs
puppy noses
dug dimples
booby bottle tops
hooter hats
baby hangers
tit tips
rack rivets
tit tuners
smuggled peanuts
booby beauty spots
boob bumps
suckle knuckles
suckle saucers
raspberry ripples
booby bobble hats
rubber bullets
suckle stalks